We've been married for twenty-five years. In that time, we've both achieved college educations and have always had equivalent incomes. I've always been the one to come home and do the cooking, housework, and helping our children with homework. I always spent my Saturday morning catching up on housework, errands and bill paying. Our children are raised and gone, and my husband has decided for some odd reason to refer to me as His Little Pet. He does this in public as well as private. I've told him I don't like it, and he says it is a compliment. I feel somehow minimized and categorized by this reference. I've told him to stop, and he does for a few days. Then, out of the clear blue he starts calling me that again. He says it makes him feel protective of me. I don't feel protected, I feel stifled and demoted. I've told him this, and he laughs it off. He says my esteem is low or it wouldn't bother me. I feel it should be enough to tell him I don't like it. Suggestions?
Answer:
Well, since you've already been very clear about this, you might come up with an equivalent 'endearment' to call him if he uses 'Little Pet' again. Warn him, don't spring it on him. Ask him how he'd feel if you called him this name. Explain that you've tried to tell him how you feel, and it doesn't seem to sink in, so you might try this to see if it helps him remember that you want to be called by your name, or whatever works for you, and not by 'Little Pet'. Then check to see if he's heard you this time. Hopefully, he has and will agree to stop calling you 'LP'. Then, see if he'll agree that if he calls you 'LP', you'll respond with the equivalent pet name (that he doesn't like) as a reminder.
This won't work if it's an expression of anger, but may if it's an honest attempt to convey a message.
Just start calling him "little man". He'll get the idea. Hee hee.
tell him
Hint- when you realize you can't "make" him do anything.
yes don't answer to it , and call him something he would hate also.
I went through the same thing with my husband.
I don't like "endearing" names...and the one he called me is Honeybuns.
What did I do? Started calling him an insulting little "pet name" and he didn't like it and asked me to stop, and then realized how I felt.
When you don't like it, it is emotional abuse, so maybe this will help you, too.
Bite him! haha
Kick him in between his legs each time he says it... eventually he will get the message...good luck!
you have been marrried 25 years, get used to the fact that he loves and yearns for your attention. Most women would be grateful for having their husband call them by a pet name.
Ask any widow.
refuse to answer or acknowledge him. i don't think you should try calling him names in response, since this could simply escalate into very bad feelings. Each time he does it, simply say "I don't like that name, please remember this", in a calm voice. eventually, he will get it, since it will embarrass him in front of other people and when alone,will get him no where.
this comes down to respect for you. he has, somehow, lost respect for you and you need to assert yourself (in a calm way) by letting him know you deserve his respect and will accept nothing less.
try not letting it bother you so much...once someone finds out which buttons to push to get a reaction, they keep doing what you don't want them to...it's easy to ignore "pet" names as long as you don't let it show that you are bothered by them...just smile and move on with what you are doing or leave the room and act like nothing was said...being ignored changes how people will treat you...
Obvisouly this is something that is degrating to you, so do it back. Call him things that are masculin degrating like:My little johnson, Good little slave,or the best i think is Not Don-Juan -Demarco or for short NDJD. Tell him the abbreviated version, if he asks what it means tell him to look it up. He might be confused on why the "n" is in front if his name. Simply tell him it means not. lol..Hes not going to like it, keep calling him that and eventually your nickname for him outdoes his for you. He will get upset and will want you to stop. That is where you make the deal.
F.Y.I Don Juan Demarco was the worlds greatest lover. Jonny depp plays him in a movie and girl it is HOTT.
Sit him down and explain to him how it makes you feel minimized (use "I" statements i.e. "I feel ____ when you do this"). Keep it to small, concise statements. Ask if he understands what you just said before you go on.
If he says it's no big deal and blows you off, go right back to where you started and make him hear it again (I call this the "broken record." It's hard to argue with a broken record if you get the same response to whatever objection you give.) Apparently it's not getting through. Tell him how you feel when you've talked to him and he still calls you it. Especially in public. (He wouldn't want you calling him "needle dick," would he? OK, bad example.)
See if you two can agree on a name that he can call you.
Apparently he needs to feel like he's your protector. Maybe your independace threatens his sense of maleness. So make sure you tell him how he does actually protect you. Be specific and tell him often. Tell him in front of others.
Building him up (sincerely) may decrease this need to make you small and vulnerable.
Call his penis a princess lol when he complains about that then tell him to stop callin you his little pet
Stand your ground. Find an equally irritating nickname for him and use it in public and private. When he objects, give him the exact same arguments he gives you. Maybe he'll get the picture.
Remember this is just my opinion. But first, some questions. 1. Why do you go through all the trouble of listing all the accomplishments "both of you" have made in your wonderful 25 years of life. 2. Why do you go through a list of all the duties you do, or complete. 3. And what's the difference between being called a pet, and my little kitten, to you.? What's the difference, there is none. Their both animals. Aren't they.? Ok, now for some suggestions.
Ask him why he calls you this. You didn't mention in your paragraph if you did ask him why he calls you this. From the tone of your writting, it doesn't seem that there are any marital problems in your marriage, or between the both of you. Do you think he wants to hurt you.? In a relationship, there is a two way street, if he is trying to hurt you with this, then maybe you hurt him with something else.? Could you have done something to hurt him without knowing.? I would find out by asking questions, and if you don't mind, I would like to know the outcome, if it was favorable, or not. Or just what happened. I'm not trying to be noisy. Good luck.
First, why you don like it? Think of it this way, after such long duration of marriage, he still enjoys calling your names. This show that the two of you are still deeply in love. Should be happy about it right?
If you still does not enjoy it, maybe you can counter the nick upon you and give him a nick as well. Give him a taste of it and if he does not object to it, then you have to take it. if he does not like it, then as a deal, both of you will stop calling each other names.
Water
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment