My parents wanted me to go to medical school. I used to, but I changed my mind and wanted to go to dental school. When I told my mom about my acceptance to dental school, she majorly downplayed it. I mentioned that my friend from law school didn't want to go to his graduation but his mom told him she wanted him to go to his graduation because she wanted to come and watch him walk. She told me "I wouldn't be upset if you didn't want to go to your graduation. That would be fine." It is my doctorate degree. You don't blow off your graduation when you are becoming a doctor. It was a HUGE blow to me and I can't get it out of my head. I think I'm not good enough for them...or that I have disappointed them. Any suggestions?
I will be the first in my family to receive a doctorate.
Answer:
I'm a retired neurologist, and I can see why someone might rather be a dentist than do what I did. I wouldn't. I chose what I wanted. Most others choose what they want, either way. Some might see a different in status between one and the other. What do they know?
There may be some miscommunication about what your mother meant by the words you quote. I doubt that's everything that's upsetting you, though. When a memory sticks in my mind as you describe, it's not that the event in question is the problem. It's that this event is a symbol of the problem, a handle by which to hold and examine the problem, to think of comebacks that I wish I had said at the time to express my feelings, like the feelings you express here about your graduation.
I'm sure there's some truth in your thought that you're not good enough for your parents. It might be an exaggeration of the truth. It may be that if you could talk this out with your parents honestly, you'd find that they just have a little disappointment related to their fantasies of their son the doctor, who could give them free medical advice instead of just telling them the importance of flossing enough, whom they could hold over someone they know with the son who is merely an optometrist. Then maybe your parents could tell you they know how silly that is and demonstrate their love for you in respecting your feelings and in whatever ways people do that beyond mere words.
If you think you can have that conversation with them, go ahead, but my guess is you wouldn't be telling the story this way if that were the case. I can't tell what the real issues are here from just what you describe, but I suspect you would be better off seeing a psychologist and getting healthy from your side before having THE TALK with your parents.
I never wanted to talk to my parents that way. Then my mother said something demeaning to my wife when I was 30. It amazed me how much anger boiled up in me knowing how wrong she was in that and how I wasn't going to let her be that way yet again. It wasn't the best way to let that happen. I'd go see a psychologist if I were you.
By the way, I skipped my graduation from medical school. I was out of town for my last rotation and the internship where I was going from there was also elsewhere, so I didn't go back. It didn't mean as much to me as it means to you. There's nothing wrong with that. People feel what they feel. There's no right or wrong in feelings. It's in actions that there is right or wrong. Understanding that might help you forgive your parents for whatever their feelings really are. I think a psychologist would be good to help you with that.
Explain you feelings to your mom and ask her about her feelings. You will never really know unless you talk to them personally. And you never knoiw, it might have all been a misunderstanding.
I don't know, your mom's attitude towards it seems incomprehensible to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! Take pride in your wonderful accomplishment!
Every relationship, including parent/child, is a balancing act. It may very well be that your mom had to balance her pride at your accomplishment with her feeling that you, as an adult, should be free to decide whether or not to go to your graduation. Examine this situation in the light of other interactions with your mom, then decide what the likely explanation is. At that point, if you feel there is something to discuss with your mom, do so. and remember, it could just as easily be "Mom, thanks a lot for trusting me to make the right decision about graduation" as "Mom, you really hurt me by not caring about my graduation."
Best wishes, Doctor!
I believe that you only live one life, so you need to do what you want to do. Nobody else can live your life. If you are happy with what you have done then that is all that counts. Your mother will get over it. If you had done what they wanted you to do you would have been miserable in the end. You and only you can make yourself happy and be the master of your life. I think its great that you followed your heart and did what you want. Your mother still loves you and only wants the best for you. You need to talk with her privately and let her know how you feel..Good luck and congratulations
Hey !! Graduating from dental school is, by any standard, a major accomplishment. Tell your mom that you are going to your graduation and so is she.
Even if you come from a family of brain surgeons and rocket scientists, you are still at least their professional equal. Hang in there.
I think you are doing just fine. A doctorate is a big deal congratulations! I kinda understand what family background you are coming from. My parents are kinda the opposite they have never said for me to be anything and there are some times where they kinda hint that I should be a lawyer to take over my dads business. I think i would rather eat s*** and die. I guess my question is why would your mom want you in med school? Was it an old dream of hers? Would she feel better saying her son is a MD? Dentists actually make some realllll good money. Its hard but you have to keep focusing on what makes you happy. If they dont like what you are doing ask them what is up. Tell them how all this makes you feel.
Parents want a better life for their kids than they had. This often means that they see only one way to achieve it.
As a dentist, people still call you Doctor, you still get to boss nurses around, you still get letters after your name, and you still make a very comfortable living.
Personally, I'd be rubbing that doctorate in their faces every chance I got. Give them a discount on dental care and harangue them into coming in for frequent checkups, then criticize their flossing.
maybe your mom is crazy. thats a huge accomplishment that i dream of achieving one day! you should be proud of yourself and dont worry about what she says after all once you are rich and famous you wont need her!
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